I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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