Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
