i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
