Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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