There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
