you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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