Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
