I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
