im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
