I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
