The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
