dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
