last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
