He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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