i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
