Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
