Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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