well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
