That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
