I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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