paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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