I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
