She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
