Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
