I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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