my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
