If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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