so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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