Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
