I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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