I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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