I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
