I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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