I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
