Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
