Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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