I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
