I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
