she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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