Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
