dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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