His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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