I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
