2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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