Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
