Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
