Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
is that a dick in a sweater?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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