why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
