sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
