Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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