Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize