Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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