i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wear drunk well.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize