i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
