Non-Jews are for practice
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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