I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
