remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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