I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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