he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
