LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i out mim tonsoeep
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
