i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
