I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
