Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
