I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she told me i tasted like america
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
