Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
