Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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