I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
