so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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