Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
