I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Yo dont text me then not text me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
