Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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