I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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