I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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