so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
