MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
