Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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