help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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