She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
