the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
