So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
