If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
