Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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