Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
