we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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