I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
