Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
