i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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