And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
