she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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