and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
