I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
